lillies in the field.

malibu creek was stupid. the little girl that i had to babysit all weekend was je ne sais quoi. my life is je ne sais quoi. the little girl likes to take long walks. we walked. and she likes to pick flowers. we picked. she gave me flowers to hold. i held. it was good. until all the little tiny bugs on the flowers starting crawling all over me. and countless other things such as this occured. and i think that camping is overrated now. so is hiking in mangy old vans shoes. a;dslkfj;asldkfj. i don't know why im being such a brat lately. ive been really emo lately and its pissing my parents off. for some reason i feel like pointless. i hate getting depressed. whenever i get depressed i start thinking a lot. like today i started thinking about my existence. i feel like such a mistake. i mean...it all makes sense. i am a mistake. i know deep down she regrets me but its her own fault so she deals. and i know i am loved very very much. but still. i know at heart that in the very very beginning, i was a mistake. not the accident kind of mistake...but the secret kind. the kind only i would know about. and im sure they knew it too.