For He is to Me My Life.

i am pathetic, just as my life is.
ever feel the loneliness surround you, yet not in a depressing way? though i guess it is depressing in this situation, but i guess it's just not the cause of my certain sadness. anywho.
i think i'll go to costa mesa tomorrow; to get boo his present from the deli. note, i feel indifferent. i don't care for him in the same way. i do, but i try not to. i think when i get detached like this, it works more efficiently. so today, i do not feel for him. now it's just a matter of a courtesy to keep my word. why i bother, i do not know. another, boo is not some strange nickname of amor. it is the onomatopoeia to replace his true name. again, this may sound like a dramatic soap opera but he doesn't know. he doesn't think about it. all of it. it's not actually real. i just need something to ponder in my free time.
im not going to get hired. i feel it. just like they've got music in their bones. i've got a failure tone. i've let go of myself too far. yet im strangely satisfied.
today i made guacamole, ate a salted lemon, and countless others.
i read.
i painted.
i guitarred.
ha.
the hitch hiker on my car is gone. cute spiderfly.
so is my brother.
im in love with no one.