I ask God to speak to me through fortune cookies.

I haven't felt like writing lately.
I really don't feel like it now, but I do.
I have a headache and insomnia...though i could sleep if i tried.
I've been reading quite a bit lately; which is strange since i really dislike reading.
Johnsel is trying to take me on a date, but i know he really just wants to get with me.
I'm not interested, even if he's one of the hottest guys i know. I don't want him.
I want boots. Lots and lots of boots. I won't buy any. But for some reason, i want them...
I'm antsy lately. It's hard to explain. that's the only word i can think of. antsy. i wonder why that worries my dad. i always wonder about him and his knowing. i want to know for myself.
tiffany wants to go shopping. i do too. just to watch her shop.
im going to the home meeting with mom and brian.
she got sick today. like me. and it wasn't good. i always blame myself even though it has nothing to do with me.
I have nonstop nausea instead of nonstop headaches now. i'm never hungry. food makes me sick.
I think i'm terribly ill in the head.
I'm very alone. and afraid. and i can't express myself. and i can't speak. i'm quiet but it's good.
im afraid of next week. i dread randy and isabel. i don't want them to come. i want to hide.
im afraid all the time. i feel like there are ghosts in my bathroom trying to get me and so i pray for the lord not to let me see them. i don't want to see them. i think they are real. im afraid they try to hurt me all the time.
Everyday, more and more, i act like a child. I think i do it because innocence and ignorance helps me get by...even though mother hates it. When I'm a kid and believe it, i feel better, and free, and don't care about anything, and can't think about any of it. it's good.