Hearts and Shards make stomach migraines.

applied at coldstone and hot topic today at the brea mall. the chances of getting hired at hot topic seem more likely; still slim though. I doubled up my meds today, still feeling sick. my stomach hurts like a bird slamming into a window. i'm going to start taking it three times a week now. finals are arriving, prolly why i've been getting sick. bust. ill get to go to friday night meetings for awhile. pretty thrilled.

i was pretty bored today. decided to draw a little something maybe i'll end up painting it. we'll see.

Night on the town.

Prom was a decent event. Much more fabulous than last year. I didn't like the model's attitude. She seemed ill with a case of bipolar. Regardless, it was all good fun. Dinner was good. Music was good. It all was good. Awkwardly twisted but full of cachet.

When they announced prom king it was a mad time. No, it wasn't him; that guy. I stood there beside him when he lost; in front of everyone. It was fine; we all knew before they said a word. Then came the slow dancing in the center. Everyone watching. They took a picture that everyone will see and I just so happened to make the most awkward face when the flash went off. Tsk tsk..He said the most romantic thing. Increasingly traumatic, the more it crosses my mind. "I'm sorry you aren't prom king." "It's ok. This is the highlight of the night. It's funny, I wouldn't want to be with anyone else but you right now". And then comes, FML. Considering the fact that he is the love of my friend's life and they would be perfect together. And not to mention, I have the mentality of a 6 year old and can't handle legit romance. Wth do normal people say to that??? I am not normal. I don't know what normal people say. So I said, what I always say in these tricky situations. "thank you". cliche. I know. Here:

For the love of mice and men.

I like fruit juice.
Though I'm allergic to that particular kind.
But thankfully not Pomegranate and Blueberry tea.

I've got nothing these days, to spew out from my fingers. I sprang my ankle, again. Dancing. I have lots of hw I should do but don't really care too much, to be honest. I'll do it, I'm just not excited. I'm getting chubby. It's gross. I need to start working out again. I doubt I'll do it. I'm not motivated. How lazy do I sound. I haven't written Daniel. I feel bad.

With my car, I have made it to church every Sunday. I don't like it too much, just enough to go. I can't seem to touch my spirit. I still try though. It's not like how other kids my age don't like it. It's more just that I have no friends there and go for the love of God, literally; i am frustrated that I can't touch my spirit. I am frustrated that at church I am tempted by the world, the most. It's become too social, not spiritual and is lacking in proper foundations for us people. I'm too weak and tempted. I need more. I can't do it alone. I can't do it by myself. I can't do it with anyone's help. but I will never stop trying. Though I have a feeling I'm not meant to be one of them.

I want to go to Friday night meetings. Sadly, I haven't been in a long, long time. My parents work weekends. They sleep early. I cannot be home that early. I feel bad that they have to stay up. I feel bad they must work so terribly ridiculously hard. It's life though. I feel bad to make them wait and stay up for me. I feel bad that I understand yet still get frustrated at this, naturally. Simply because, I want desperately to go to the meetings, yet am unable. I want to go. I wish they would care slightly less. So they would not fret so, waiting for my safe arrival home from church. That way everyone is happy. Life is not like that. Parents are not like that. There is no button that you can switch off to stop them from caring. In this, we are lucky. I am lucky. But as a teen. I am frustrated.

poetic pathetic.

I don't know the difference b/n loving you and I don't know the difference b/n loving him. between the sheets of a scarlet painting. what i painted then. when stars were blue and I had my own sky. So i'm a million ways to fly a kite. Im a darker space, you are black and white. Im. I see the two sides. Make it mine. Prettier than guy like high. Fabricated little somethings. make the most arrogant smiles. Finals and alleys trotting down memory lane, going insane. My insane. Turn the table off, the time is running. I need to get myself out of myself. I don't know the difference in loving you and you loving you and him loving and you loving him. I am mute asleep my voice lost and dead. It's all one. Not too tragic in the least as you might expect. They are all the same way. The mute can't speak your tongue but breathe a different note and say sleep is like a simple pleasure. It brings us much delight. Death must be much better. Death, be not so proud. For death, thou shalt die. Once we rise again. We pass through death and live again, eternally. Death, be not so proud. The bell tolls for thee. Cough, Cough, cough up snazzy phrases, making money, giving you an epic smile. Let's just think it through. Imaginary barbie. Playdate for a while. Try to think what it'd be like to see you together on a Sunday at this place I know. I'll always go for you. The wrong reason. I tell myself not to be late, to forget to make up my face, my hair. But i always do. I can't help to be so pretty fake around you. I want to surround you but they are all around and I can't see your face.

Cool Beans and all that jazz.

I stayed home since I am sick. This is the first time I actually ever asked my mom if I could do so. I always insist on going to school. This is like some kind of break through phenomenon or something. I was planning on stopping by for sixth period though. I even did the focus notes and everything for the presentations today; called dad and didn't tell him my plan. He told me to wait until 3 so I don't get pulled over by cops. Smart man; still have to make it up though. :/ So, I try to sleep some and fail. It's too late to take nyquil since I have tutoring at 520. I drive over to albertsons and buy some lunch meat and a tomato and more nyquil. Sadly, I've been buying everything with my money lately so I'm broke. Some stupid worker person was standing in front of the tomatoes. Thanks to my tendency to get creeped out by those people staring at my tomato picking I have to buy the $3 tomato. :/ I hate myself for suffering from imaginary audience; no one cares if I don't know how to pick tomatoes. I also hate those self check out things. I didn't know which tomato I bought. "vine ripe roma" or w/e. What if I paid 4 bucks for a $3 tomato??? ugh. I also picked up dry cleaning. $10.40. I also went to boba ya and bought a shaved ice cup. I don't like the women who work there. They obviously hate being there. Such a shame.

On the brighter side:

• I cut my nails. I've been playing guitar. Yay. Acrylics, here we go.


• Boo has graduated to texting me first. Though, it's been such for a while. reassuarance it's a mutual friendship.


• I actually did hw. I understand chem. I'm ready for La Vela...for once.


• I'm at peace. Everything is crap but I don't feel so stressed. Today helped. (:

These are a few of my favorite things:

Murphy's Law???

I am so lame. I forgot the email address to this thing. It turns out, you use an email account separate from google. Genius.

----------------------------------------------------------

Dang nabbit. Dang Liz.

I spent about a month growing out my nails for prom. I usually like to keep them short. I think I've spent a few months now, taking care of them so they'll be pretty and french painted. Incredibly annoying, not being able to open jars and packages, and not being able to type on a keyboard, and NOT BEING ABLE TO PLAY MY GUITAR or PIANO. :/

Just now, I was drawing "NERD." onto a shirt that I stole from Nate in a Rite-Aid parking lot a while back. I looked down. NOOOOOOO. Now, I have to get acrylics and won't be able to play guitar for at least 3 more weeks. I'm sobbing like a child with a scraped knee; without a dad to come slap my arm so the scrape won't hurt anymore. I'm also sick, have no voice, am breaking out from raging hormones, and am getting chubby since I can't run because it makes the pain in my throat unbearable. Story of my life.

fast and furious.

I went go-karting for Brandon's bday. The first run was terrible for me. I suck, it's too intense.

Second go, not so bad. went 60 mph? idk. Lost, was fun.

I went around in my car today. Running errands. The eco club banquet was cancelled. No beach today. We're having it at school instead, during lunch. I can't believe I'm going to be president next year. I doubt I'll make it less terrible than it already is. It's pretty pathetic and I wish it were more. :/ It's a good club, just boring for members. I feel bad. I need to renovate.

Today was mostly boring. Home was boring. My dogs were getting annoying. I made a sandwich. The usual. breadmeatmayonnaisemustardardcheesetomatoavacadopaprikasalt sandwich. I cut it in halves like a child eats it. With a side of tasty cheetos and pomegranite juice. I've gotten into the habit of praying before I eat. I've always attempted to do it, but now it's a habit that I am mindful of. However, I ate dinner with my parents tonight. I didn't pray out loud. While I ate, I thought about how I should say something, but I didn't. I felt so...dirty.

I miss my brother. He was my best friend. Now he's gone. I wish he was here. I thought about him when I was be lazy, watching the tube. I prayed for him. I'm sad that he has to spend his birthday in boot camp. Last year wasn't much better though; on a 50 mile backpacking trip in the Sierras. Every day I checked the mail anxiously hoping to find a letter from him in the stack, but nothing's there. Today I only found an advertisement for Victoria's secret and my license card. I miss him.

If it weren't for God. Idk. This guy invited me to his house. Let's call him Bob. Bob is incredibly handsome. I used to crush on Bob because of this, and partly because I was a stupid freshman. Now I don't care about Bob, but we are friends. He thinks I'm into him. He thinks everyone is into him. That's fine. He's a nice guy. I rejected Bob today. I suprised myself. If it weren't for God, right about now I prolly would have been pulling a tshirt over my head backwards while shoving my left leg through a window with my foot simulataneously searching for a tree to climb down from.

Rainbow in a box.

My birthday present was amazing. My good friend managed to get me a rainbow in a box, just like I demanded. I don't know why I'm thinking about this now, randomly, in the middle of May. Anywho...It's an egg shaped thing and projects a rainbow on the wall. It fits into its little box and is simply marvelous.
So, I'm searching for a bakery to see where they sell rainbow cookies. I need to find a shop in my area. I want to share some rainbows with my friend. I've been craving them lately and plan to go galavanting around town to get my hands on some at the end of this month. Coincidentally, this is just in time for my friend's birthday, for I will see if they are good for food then purchase more and by that time it will be July. I am so slow. Strange to think that they got me a rainbow in a box, and I will be giving them the same thing...in a way.

Promtastic.

Planning for this one night is so traumatic. :/

wavy, straight, up, or down?

I had a better picture. The camera caught a peculiar angle of me in a strange light and made me beautiful for .23 seconds. Instead, I posted the one of a mediocre quality. Too many post the pictures that make them seem so grandoise. Seeming exceedingly attractive. People need to learn to be real. Ersatz is overrated. I need simple truth.

I don't dream pretty dreams, though I dream of being pretty.

honestly.

& so.

i am liz.

i eat alot.

i work out.

i sleep some.

i blush constantly.

i am easily intimidated.

i have dreadful nightmares.

i believe in praying about everything.

i am desperately seeking something more.

i am not a crazy amazing person at all.

i am not intelligent or humorous.

i am terribly over dramatic.

i am not a nice person.

i am shockingly vain.

i am damaged.

i am strange.

i am boring.

i am blunt.

i am lazy.

i am me.

li li.

silly child.

i sing & dance.

even though i suck at it.

because its just so awfully fun.

i like to play the piano occasionally.

i strum the guitar.

i forgot violin.

it scares me that the world is ending & is over & is gone.

nothing i ever do will mean anything when its done.

i am happy to not be worried about what to do.

it will all die down and die out some day.

the world will not matter any longer.

matter will not even matter.

i don't even want to try.

i just want to serve.

i just want to be.

his kingdom.

my life.

♥

Result.

• prom. :/

• I think that I can now confidently say that I bombed the AP exam. At least I made Jose a fine sum of money.


• My car will be the end of me.


• blah blah blah.


• JOB.


• i need a hobby.


• i need to stop the myspace antics.


• why do i get arm cramps in the summer days?


• why am i so terribly annoying?


• rawr.


• my anxiety disorder is frustrating.

AP. Summer. Stalker.

Tomorrow is the a.p. psych test. I have not studied at all. I am so lazy. It's disgusting. I have to stay up and study. I am retarded. Ugh. I prolly won't pass regardless. I suck at test taking. The free response is out the window. Whatever. My fault.

I need a job. Summer is approaching. I have my car now. I need to get a job. I need to get into computers for summer school. One week to be wasted. If I get in then i miss SSOT. If I don't get in then I have to go to yellowstone and have to take it during the year. EPIC FAIL. :/

I have to get rid of the creepy stalker kids on my tail. Fake boyfriend scheme in action on Wednesday. This is ridiculous. People shouldn't have to make up this nonsense. All this so I won't hurt their feelings. psch.