Start: 1 Timothy 6:4

"i love my son, but i must be righteous."


i love them. i do. i thought i didn't and i wasn't. but it happened. i like them.
they are teaching me how to cook. i didn't think it was going to be like this.
around them i experience God. i cried today. i prayed loudly in my car.
we ate ice cream cookies.
martha ball gave me a book. it was the most touching moment of the day.
today was an amazing day. but im still morose.
im still confused. im still upset.

in everyone's telling of their beginning of my beginning someone is an antagonist. it makes me see everything differently. everyone is a hero and a disaster.
i want to see what they see. feel what they feel. know what they know. the truth is what im searching for. what im after, even if it hurts. but there are too many and sometimes it scares me to know. but i need this now. i really do.
i need to know why she cries. i need to know why she is the way she is. i need to know what wrongs were then. i want to know why this is now. i want to know how to comfort and be normal. this unconventional way of life.

we are all burdened in our secrets. i am a wallflower. i see things. and they are mine. and i keep them. here. here. and here.