wow. THE F***. I finally made it to summer. FINALLY. and i'm burnt out like S***. So F***ing burnt out, that there is nothing left. No patience, no hope, no happiness. I'm F***ing sick of this bulls***. I've seriously had enough. No more. No more mind games. No more white noise. No more trying. I'm so sick of this place; it makes me disgusted at the thought of the word, "home". This place is not a home. It's not anything. There is home. The empty house on the slant hill with the pretty outside that no one visits. With still air, and absolute quiet. Not the same quiet that's here. This quiet is much more. It's filled with emptiness, cleanliness, and love, unlike the loneliness found here. I want to be there. With them. I'm done being tested. I want out. OUT.
I want to scream and cry and smash things, but all i can do is watch myself just sit, without words, and hold back tears that i refuse to let them see.
I am so frustrated. The praying, constantly. I never stop. I never give up. Yet, it's just not enough. It hasn't been enough for the past 6 months. It makes me want to give up. I am so F***ing discouraged. Why is there NO ONE IN THIS F***ING PLACE??????????? i hate my life but i can't hate anyone else. not even them. i get so bloody frustrated with them, and angry. but i can't hate them. i can only hate myself. im going crazy in my head. why did daniel leave me here with them. i don't understand why this happened. i don't want to hear about any more of our God's plans. I hate knowing. I just want to be ignorant like other F***ing pointless pieces of s*** on this planet. We're all dying. But who really gives a f***?
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