Too Long at the Fair.

sometimes i feel like tearing my room apart and starting over. sometimes i feel like going crazy. sometimes i feel like i am crazy. the real kind of crazy. sometimes i feel like overdosing on pills. sometimes i feel like reverting back to my old ways. like popping 12 ibuprofen or hanging myself and letting go for no reason when it does nothing. sometimes i feel like cutting again. sometimes i feel like ripping my face apart with a scalpel because im so ugly. but then i think it'd be too much to bear. sometimes i feel like getting help. sometimes i think about why im here. sometimes i think about how i got here. sometimes i think about the mistake that i am. sometimes i think about the future. sometimes i think about happiness. sometimes i think about what if. sometimes i think about getting the truth. sometimes i think about how i finally got help and then closed the door smiling and ran out to cry. sometimes i just think about nothing. sometimes i try not to think at all.
sometimes i think about how ppl see a tiger and love it. but im not on the inside. that means i fake it like no ones business. but no one really loves me for me. a;sldkfj i should be in a circus. one that travels. that way no one will care that im different. they'll expect it. and they wont care if im not pretty. and they wont care about anything. because they're there to be happy and entertained. and everyone will only see a tiger and nothing more. thats the perfect place for me.